Co-parenting can be challenging under any circumstances, but it becomes even more complex when raising a child with special needs. According to recent studies, an estimated 19 million children have one or more special healthcare needs, including 1 in 36 American children having Autism. These statistics mean that millions of parents—both married and divorced—are navigating how to parent a child who requires specialized care.
The prolonged stress and disagreements that can accompany having a child with special needs can also lead to the breakdown of a marriage—with some estimating that the rate of divorce in these families is as high as 87%.
As a seasoned family law attorney, I have seen many families struggle with co-parenting their child(ren) with special needs, and I commonly encounter co-parents who do not see eye to eye when it comes to their child’s treatment options, therapy costs, education, etc.
I often remind my clients that children only get one childhood, and it’s paramount that they work together to ensure that their child has all of the tools they need to thrive through this period of their lives and into adulthood. However, this is easier said than done. Several factors can make co-parenting a child with special needs particularly challenging, including:
With the start of the next school year right around the corner, now is the time to ensure that you and your co-parent are on the same page about your child and their needs. Below are a few of my top tips as an attorney with more than 20 years of experience for parents of children with special needs to help them effectively navigate their unique challenges.
I often see that if a child spends more time with one parent, the other parent simply does not understand what is regularly going on with that child. This communication breakdown can lead to significant issues when providing resources, therapies, and educational assistance for that child, as that parent may push back, thinking those interventions are unnecessary. To combat this issue while co-parenting, I recommend that co-parents communicate openly and update each other regularly on any changes in their child’s behavior, needs, and progress. Communication tools like shared calendars and parenting apps can help both parents stay on the same page.
It can be difficult, but co-parents should attend medical appointments, therapy sessions, and school meetings together whenever possible. Similarly to when a child doesn’t see one parent as often, a similar conflict can arise whenever parents are not attending these important meetings together. For continuity, attending these meetings together ensures that both parents receive the same information and can discuss the best course of action collaboratively.
While this sentiment is important for all children, creating consistency can help your child with special needs feel secure and understand what to expect. Additional stress and conflict between co-parents can arise when the two household environments vary dramatically, leading to a child thriving in one and not the other. Children with special needs often need safe spaces that help keep them calm, regulated, and functioning at their best. For example, if your child with Autism thrives in a home with no fluorescent lighting, ensure that both homes accommodate this need to work with their sensory needs. Consistent schedules, environments, meals, and more can help create stability for your child with special needs and reduce conflict between all family members.
As a family law attorney, I have seen too many cases go to court over co-parents disagreeing on the best course of action for their children with special needs. If you and your co-parent cannot agree on matters relating to your child, I strongly recommend you engage a trusted professional to provide expert, unbiased, third-party recommendations. A knowledgeable advisor can be invaluable, whether it's for managing daily routines, implementing therapy techniques, or navigating educational plans like 504s and IEPs. This role could be filled by an attorney specializing in this area, a mediator, an educator, or any other highly trained in conflict resolution and child development. The key is for both parents to choose a professional you trust and follow the expert's advice. As co-parents, your focus should be on your child’s best interests, and this neutral third party can help you reach agreements that support your commitment to your child.
Navigating the complexities of co-parenting children with special needs requires patience, communication, and a willingness to work together. By maintaining a consistent approach and knowing when to seek professional help, you can create a supportive and nurturing environment for your child.
If you need further assistance or personalized advice on co-parenting a child with special needs, please contact our office at (410) 657-2515 or info@CohenLegalTeam.com. We are here to help! If you want to learn more practical tips, follow me on LinkedIn, where I share tips like these and other recommendations.
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