The holiday season is a time for family, joy, and connection, but for co-parents, it can also be a source of stress and conflict, especially regarding custody arrangements. However, with proactive planning and open communication, you can ensure a peaceful and joyful holiday experience for both you and your children.
In my two decades of experience and as a family attorney, as you might imagine, I’ve unfortunately seen too many families struggle to create stress-free holidays for their children. While I understand how challenging co-parenting dynamics can be, this is one of the most important times of the year to set differences aside and create meaningful and positive memories for your children. Here are my five tips to help you and your co-parent successfully navigate the holiday season.
One of the best ways to prevent holiday stress is to finalize your schedule well in advance. Last-minute disagreements take the fun out of the holidays, so being proactive is essential. Sit down with your co-parent early to discuss where and how the children will spend their time. A shared calendar can be a helpful tool for keeping track of plans and avoiding confusion.
Remember to compromise and be flexible, whether this is your 10th year co-parenting or your first. However, if this is your first holiday season post-divorce, I specifically encourage you to keep this in mind. Contentious co-parenting can quickly take the magic out of the holidays for all involved.
It's easy to get caught up in the logistics and desire to spend as much time as possible with your kids, but the holidays should be about them. Avoid turning the situation into a competition with your co-parent. Instead, focus on creating joyful memories and making decisions to keep your children happy. If your kids are old enough, ask them what they want to do for the holidays. Their input can help create a more harmonious experience.
Another important thing to note is simply to be positive. Divorce can be traumatic, and if your children are having a hard time with your divorce, please keep a positive mindset as you discuss the holidays with them. For example, as you talk about Christmas morning, remind them they’re getting double the fun now with two Christmases! Instead of harping on how your co-parent gets them on December 25th, remind them that December 26th is still Christmas morning at your house. Set competition aside, and spend this time bonding with your kids and making positive memories with them.
Effective communication is the key to successful co-parenting year-round, especially during the holidays when schedules vary with events, school breaks, and more. Keep the lines of communication open, be respectful, and address any issues calmly. If face-to-face conversations are difficult, consider using email or a co-parenting app, like OurFamilyWizard or AppClose, to discuss plans.
If conflicts do arise, don’t hesitate to involve a mediator to help resolve disputes before they escalate. Or, if you know holiday planning will be an issue, seek a mediator ahead of time. Please do not wait until the day before Hanukkah begins or Christmas to seek outside help. Again—your children deserve to have a stress-free and happy holiday.
Life happens, and unforeseen circumstances like travel delays or family emergencies can disrupt even the best-laid plans. Being flexible and willing to adjust is crucial for avoiding conflict. Have a backup plan for common issues like illness or travel disruptions, and approach last-minute changes with a cooperative mindset.
If your children get stuck out of state with your co-parent and their side of the family due to weather, they’ll still have presents to open with you and your family once they safely return. Sure, circumstances like this are disappointing, but I encourage you not to project that on your children for things entirely out of their control.
Divorce can be hard, but it also presents an opportunity to create new traditions with your children. This holiday season, embrace the chance to start fresh with activities that bring you closer together. Whether it’s sharing your Thanksgiving meal on Friday from now on or designating the weekend before Christmas to chop down your own tree at a farm, you can now decide what holiday activities you’d like to do moving forward to make this time of year special for everyone.
Children are resilient and will adapt to whatever changes come their way as long as they are loved and supported by their parents.
The holiday season doesn’t have to be stressful for co-parents. By working together, focusing on the children, and maintaining open communication, you can ensure a joyful and stress-free time for your family. I know this is easier said than done, and if you and your co-parent need help formalizing your holiday custody arrangements, please seek legal advice sooner rather than later to avoid additional stress on you and your children.
At the Law Offices of Kerri Cohen, I am committed to helping my clients co-parent successfully during the holidays and year-round. If you are looking for a seasoned family attorney to assist you with co-parenting plans, mediation, and more, please contact my office at (410) 657-2515 or info@CohenLegalTeam.com to get started. We are here to help! Wishing you and your family a wonderful, peaceful holiday season!
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With over 20 years of experience, Kerri Cohen, a seasoned family law attorney, offers expert guidance to help you navigate this challenging process.