The divorce process affects each person differently. For young children, in particular, the divorce process can result in feelings of depression, poor academic performance, and an increase in disruptive behavior. However, choosing mediation for your divorce can help quell some of these negative feelings and behavioral changes in children.
With proper care after a period of adjustment, children can develop healthy coping skills to navigate this new reality, especially with the help and guidance of an experienced family mediator. As a seasoned family law attorney and certified mediator with over two decades of experience, I lead these sessions with patience and understanding to help families in dispute reach an amicable solution that benefits everyone, especially children. If you are concerned about your children’s emotional well-being during this period of change, I highly recommend that you consider mediation services during your divorce process.
As opposed to traditional litigation, mediation allows co-parents to settle their disagreements and work through issues in a controlled environment separate from the courts. Under the guidance of a mediator—a professional and objective third party—co-parents can resolve their issues and settle familial disputes barring the intervention of a judge.
A key objective of the mediation process is to foster collaboration between co-parents and reach mutual agreements while avoiding conflict and confrontation. A commitment to mediation communicates to children that, just because their parents are undergoing a separation, the divorce does not mean that the familial bonds are permanently broken.
As a family law attorney, I have seen the full gamut of divorces, from contentious ones lasting years to truly amicable ones lasting only a matter of months. However, one commonality is that many people who have chosen to use a mediator for their divorce often speak of how beneficial the process was for them and their families.
While we often think of mediation's benefits for the two parties in the divorce, there are several benefits for children when using this collaborative process, including the following:
No child wants to see their parents fight, argue, and generally act hostile toward one another. These situations can make a child feel powerless, and they often internalize that pain, which can lead to long-term distress and behavioral issues.
Mediation services focus on cooperation and understanding above all, and mediators are trained to provide both co-parents with tools to minimize conflict and aggression when tensions arise. When parents divorce, it’s often traumatic enough on its own for a child; however, when conflict can be minimized, children benefit significantly.
We understand how difficult the divorce process can be for co-parents looking to resolve issues related to sensitive matters such as custody, child support, visitation, and the division of assets. Many co-parents struggle to keep their emotions in check during this process, and I understand how easy it is to succumb to negative feelings due to the stressful nature of divorce.
However, when these negative feelings stand in the way of constructive communication between co-parents, children are often the ones most adversely affected. Mediators work to foster a safe and respectful style of communication between co-parents, which sets the tone for cooperative parenting moving forward, ensuring that feelings of stability and safety for the child will continue for the long term.
As co-parents advocate for their own wants and needs during the divorce process, the emotional well-being of the children involved can often be overshadowed by more practical and financial concerns.
Mediators are trained to help parents re-focus on what is most important during this time: the best interests of their children. Making parenting plans for children should not be approached as a one-size-fits-all. Mediation services also allow co-parents to develop customized parenting plans designed to cater to the unique needs of each child.
More often than not, young children are incapable of fully grasping all the reasons why their parents would choose to divorce. Without a complete understanding of the complexities of adult relationships, many children assume the worst about their parents’ divorce.
With tools for maintaining a respectful relationship between co-parents, mediators work to foster a more positive, supportive environment for children during the divorce process. When children see their parents treat one another with kindness, empathy, and understanding, they develop a sense of stability during this challenging time. This gives the child a sense that while things in their life may be changing, this change doesn’t have to be a negative one, and while it may be painful now, they will still have two parents who love them and respect each other at the end of this process.
For those co-parents whose primary concern is their children during the divorce process, I recommend meeting specifically with a child-focused mediator. Mediators specializing in co-parenting work to keep discussions between co-parents child-centered and advocate for children who may not possess the tools to effectively express their true feelings.
Additionally, co-parents can work to be proactive in ensuring that their children feel seen and heard during the divorce process. Neither co-parent should hesitate to share the thoughts and feelings that their children have shared about the divorce. Take advantage of any opportunity for your kids to participate in the conversation on how the family will adjust to this new reality moving forward.
If your children are withdrawn or acting out, I encourage co-parents to put themselves in the children’s shoes. If you were in their position, how would you react to the situation? Would you feel safe, or would you be experiencing a fear of change? In what ways are you and your co-parent working to reduce the stress and fear that your children may be experiencing?
A child-focused mediator will likely have reasonable, actionable solutions should you and your co-parent struggle to agree on how to best handle the issues your child is facing due to the divorce.
Mediation can be a source of stability during a difficult transition in the lives of both children and their parents. For children, mediators can help reinforce the truth that the divorce is in no way their own fault.
Additionally, when children see their parents commit to treating one another with respect and working together to build a new future under difficult circumstances, they learn valuable lessons that they will carry on into adulthood. Mediation can help teach children that big changes are not something to be feared but a fact of life that needs to be accepted and embraced. Perhaps most importantly, mediation can remind children that while their parents’ relationship has ended, both parents still love their children as much as they ever have.
If you are considering mediation for your divorce, please contact my office at (410) 657-2515 or info@CohenLegalTeam.com to get started. Our team is ready to listen and fully prepared to help guide you through this difficult period and see things through to the end so that your family is prepared to face whatever comes next. We are here to help!
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With over 20 years of experience, Kerri Cohen, a seasoned family law attorney, offers expert guidance to help you navigate this challenging process.